Mourning and Living
Sermon
September 22, 200
Rabbi Anthony D. Holz
In a few minutes we as a congregation will recite the Mourner’s Kaddish in memory of loved ones who have passed away. As we recall the presence and the personalities of dear ones, their works and their words, it is most appropriate that we recite the Kaddish.
We know that there are several varieties of Kaddish that occur in our Jewish services. All are in Aramaic, the language that everybody in the Middle East spoke some two thousand years ago. Our particular focus is on the Kaddish D’yatom, literally the “Orphan’s Kaddish.” We know it as the Mourner’s Kaddish. The blue Gates of Prayer which we use at our regular Shabbat Services has a number of meditations which can be read before the Kaddish. The first one includes this paragraph: “Because this prayer does not acknowledge death, because it permits the blossom, which has fallen from the tree of humankind, to flower and develop again in the human heart, therefore it possesses sanctifying power.”
And in another prayer book we find these words: “[The Kaddish” extols life – the creative force energizing each of us. In the presence of reality, we speak of mystery, of love stronger than death, of memories that turn each day into precious possibility. For lives gone from our midst, for tears shed in deepest affection, for what we have become and hope yet to be, we give assent. We affirm – and in that affirmation, we join with the fellowship of Israel and all humanity. Their loss is ours; ours is theirs. In seeking peace and understanding for ourselves, we promise our own understanding to bring peace to all we meet.”
Even though we read this prayer at a time of mourning, it says nothing about death. Rather, in its praise of God, the Kaddish affirms the value and the possibilities of every human life. There is something very Jewish about such optimism in the face of mourning and death.
To illustrate this point about Jewish optimism in the face of death, let us consider the thinking of the late great American Jewish humorist and columnist, Art Buchwald who died just this last January. After living some eighty years, Buchwald checked himself into a hospice in Washington, DC, choosing not to continue having kidney dialysis. Unexpectedly, he didn’t die immediately, but lived for another year. During this time he was interviewed by a number of reporters.
On March 29 of last year, he expressed various thoughts about death, thoughts which have an ongoing relevance. When asked about what happens after death, Buchwald replied, “I have no idea where I am going, but here’s the real question: “What am I doing here in the first place?” And he continued to say that he doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about the afterlife. From his point of view that is not particularly Jewish, rather, he said: “It’s what you do on earth and the good deeds you do on earth that are important.”
And he continued, “I think I don’t believe in any of the gods they are shoving down my throat.” Speaking about people who would write him preachy letters on how to ensure a place in eternity, he said: “I hate the organized religions that are telling me what God wants.”
In another interview from his hospice residence, Buchwald said: “When I decided to make my choice, it has been the happiest year of all. I’ve seen friends, caught up with all of the people in my life from every different place. I’ve been talking to people who talk about everything under the sun. If I were at home, I wouldn’t see these people. Like most people, you just die. But here, everybody knows it, so everybody is kind to me. And people even send me cheese cakes”
What comes through very clearly in Buchwald’s writings and interviews is the understanding that what we do here on earth is of ultimate importance, and that even when death is near, we can still have very happy times.
There is a direct connection between the kinds of thinking expressed by Art Buchwald and the Mourner’s Kaddish. Even as death approaches, even as we mourn the loss of loved ones, it is still always possible and desirable for us to affirm life, to live our lives fully, to find happiness and joy here where we are now, with the people who are part of our everyday lives.
In the face of death and dying, of limitation and loss, we can still find pleasure in daily relationships and the hope for good that is yet to come. Little wonder that the Kaddish remains so central in our Jewish worship services.
As a Reform Jewish colleague phrases it, “When we recite the Kaddish today and at other times, may we understand that in saying its time-honored words at the time of remembrance of the dead, we are saying ‘yes’ to life. That is what mourning and grieving are all about at their very best.” Amen
(Substantially based upon “I am Dying and Having the Times of My Life” by Rabbi Hillel Cohn, The American Rabbi High Holy Days, 2007/5768, pages 127-132